Nate Lindell's typed letter with Adverse Childhood Experiences score

"...there's a reason for that hyper-sensitivity."

Greetings Compassion Prison Project Staff:

I just saw your ad in Prison Legal News, or I’d’ve wrote you sooner. Below I’ll answer the ACE survey, something that I’m very familiar with, as I followed the js online.com / time-to-heal series, discussing trauma-informed care, wondering why (& asking the editor so … ) no mention of the numerous prisoners whom are in prison due to childhood trauma. As I wrote about in an essay about my childhood that was published in Parental Incarceration, Routledge (2016), I am doing life in prison for killing someone b/c I believed he sold child porn … there’s a reason for that hyper-sensitivity.

(Answers to ACE Survey)

1. Did a parent or other adult in the household often or very often… Swear at you, insult you, put you down, or humiliate you? or Act in a way that made you afraid that you might be physically hurt?

A: Yes, multiple times, usually daily.

2. Did a parent or other adult in the household often or very often… Push, grab, slap, or throw something at you? or Ever hit you so hard that you had marks or were injured?

A: Yes, at least once a month, usually multiple times a month.

3. Did an adult or person at least 5 years older than you ever… Touch or fondle you or have you touch their body in a sexual way? or Attempt or actually have oral, anal, or vaginal intercourse with you?

A: Yes, as a child (under age 8) I was raped by an adult male,& molested by my mom and aunt, multiple times.

4. Did you often or very often feel that … No one in your family loved you or thought you were important or special? or Your family didn’t look out for each other, feel close to each other, or support each other?

A: Yes. I still feel that way.

5. Did you often or very often feel that … You didn’t have enough to eat, had to wear dirty clothes, and had no one to protect you? or Your parents were too drunk or high to take care of you or take you to the doctor if you needed it?

A: Yes. I had to steal food to eat, ate food found in garbage, was hospitalized w/pneumonia 4 times before age 2.

6. Were your parents ever separated or divorced?

A: Yes. My mom divorced twice, both her husbands beat her.

7. Was your mother or stepmother:
Often or very often pushed, grabbed, slapped, or had something thrown at her? or Sometimes, often, or very often kicked, bitten, hit with a fist, or hit with something hard? or Ever repeatedly hit over at least a few minutes or threatened with a gun or knife?

A: Yes. My mom had MPD/DID, first husband tortured her, made us fast& kneel on spiked mats & pray to cast her demons out…

8. Did you live with anyone who was a problem drinker or alcoholic, or who used street drugs?

A: Yes. My mom was addicted to alcohol, heroin & coke.

9. Was a household member depressed or mentally ill, or did a household member attempt suicide?

A: Yes. Mom had Multiple Personality Disorder, Major Depression,as did my little brother.

10. Did a household member go to prison?

A: Yes. My mom’s second husband was in prison; mom went to jail for poss. heroin when we found her OD’d when we came home from school; my younger brother (not the one who also had Multiple Personality Disorder, Depression, etc.) is also doing Life & is my co-defendant for my murder case.

My ACE Score: 10 (Plus?)

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